Too Much Marketing, Too Little Imagination

With many writing groups on the internet, we find people writing about things that get us all riled up with “what is a real writer”, “how should we define ourselves”, “what publishing route we should use”. If we are lucky, we have threads that start us on projects, and groups that promote the actual writing of fiction. Most of the time, however, all we’re going to find is a bunch of people standing around talking about how we’re going to sell it rather than fun and interesting ways we’re going to create it. 

This may have a lot to do with why I don’t sell much. I’m just having too much fun writing content than I am worrying about how I’m going to market it. Marketing is all well and good, but, we’re missing the foundation most of the time. We’re spending too much time worrying about what type of writers we are, arguing about what a “real” writer is, and bragging about who’s paying their rent with their writing than we ever do actually developing our skills as a writer.

Sure, I see it sometimes, in writing groups; on a good day. Most of the time, however, I see this place like my local mall when it comes to variety; closing down one store to put in another clothing store, across from the clothing store, which happens to be between two clothing stores. What I see here is post after post of marketing strategy, judgement over how we define ourselves (What does it mean to be a “Writer” or “Author) and other people (endless arguments over whether we should call Jack a “Writer” or an “Author”) when we’re missing out on the fun of writing.

I feel this place needs more topics related to sentence structure, plot ideas, ways to make characters believable, and world-building.

These online writing groups remind me of a bunch of divers, floating on the surface of the ocean, talking about how to monetize their diving and forgetting that they need to do that back flip and actually get into the water. They’re all for talking about what tanks to get, but rarely ever talk about ways to regulate their breathing, or methods to clear the mask to make the experience of diving more fun to begin with, but they sure will be willing to direct you to the best wet-suit dealer, or express their opinions on what type of a diver you are, without having ever really dived in with you.


Tales of a Security Officer – Volume One

Tales of a Security Officer

Volume One:

“Scroteblender Esquire”

So I’m dealing with this drunk dude and he calls me a:
“Sh*t Gargling Astrofu*k from Planet 9”
And a
“Rowing D**kcanoe — smothering ballsack Testikiller t*tsmacker extraordinaire.”
followed by:
“Officer D***face Scroteblender Esquire.”
followed by a several other ways to put curse words together that I wish could have remembered. lol. Drunk people are fun!


“I’m Way More Dangerous”


This guy’s hitting on his girlfriend; and by hitting on, I don’t mean in the romantic sense. I pull up to them and tell the dude to let go of her. He pushes her in my direction. I ask her if she parked her car on property. She didn’t but it was nearby in the other plaza. I told her to go on, and go home.
“You ain’t no cop!” The guy says. “You aint’ do nuthin to me, you little b*tch… You ain’t no cop!”

“You’re right!” I yell at him and smile happily. “I’m not a cop. I’m not supervised, and I have nobody else to see what happens here. Do you think that makes me less dangerous, or MORE DANGEROUS?!”

I got to see who the real “B*tch” was, because he ran off like the one that he is.


“Fun With Grammar”


Thank goodness I know what “Mandatory” means; good to know I don’t have to attend just as long as I understand the definition.



“Not Getting Their Argument”


I’m in line at a gas station to get some Nuke’able soup for my lunch break later in my shift and this guy in front of me is absolutely livid. When I mean angry, I’m talking about, having enough angry energy that, if FPL could plug a cable up this guys ass, he’d be able to light up Fort Myers for a night straight; anyway, it gets worse. The reason why he is angry, it turns out, is because some other Security Officer at some other site, and some other company, told him that he couldn’t park his big-rig 18 Wheeler behind the property of the store he’s delivering to.

“And this ****ing rent-a-cop is going to make me have to pay eighty dollars for a ****amn hotel at ten-thrity in the ***ing night.” He turns around and see’s me after complaining to the clerk and points at me…

“It’s people like you who **** up America and the hard work of us truckers. Do you want my opinion?” Of course he doesn’t really ask, he’s going to tell me anyway; meanwhile, I’m counting down the minutes before I’m going to be late for work. “… You dumbass rent-a-cop’s are a bunch of pansy-ass’ed pu**ies that couldn’t cut it as a REAL COP and you’re holding onto every excuse to act like a big man! What’ya say to that?!”

So I take a deep breath and shrug my shoulders,
“You know something sir…” I smile and nod my head, “You are absolutely right. We are a bunch of pansy-ass’ed flashlight cops with nothing better to do than ruin your day. NO NO… Not going to argue with you. I live, and breathe just to enforce whatever I can because of everything you just said to me and on behalf of all security officers everywhere, I apologize.”

The guy just stopped for a second and then yelled at me after the initial shock.

“You don’t understand what I’m sayin’t’ya!”
“Oh I do… And you’re right! Every bit of it sir! I can’t argue with you!” Really, I couldn’t because I was running out of time but I just stayed on his side the entire time because I didn’t have time for any of his BS. “You do you… In fact, drop the gloves and tell me how you REALLY feel!” I say while nodding.

At this point the teller is reaching out for my stuff so he can ring it up while the boozed-up redneck starts losing his sh*t.

“Yer’ fu*ing with me! You ain’t gonna argue with me!”
“What do I have to argue against? I’m with you! All the way! You’re right, those bastards just don’t know what to do with themselves… All of us owe you an apology… What a bunch of jerks we are, sir… Ruining your night like that!”

The trucker yells a few obscenities and blasts out the door of the 7-11. Meanwhile, I’m thinking… WHEN THE HELL IS THE WORLD GOING TO GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS LAST WEEK?! YOU KNOW… NORMAL?


“Security Vs. Security”


I have my hands in my pockets because it’s freaking cold. I notice this guy with a few items in his hands a few aisles away tailing me. I pretend like I’m oblivious to him and just peruse the gun magazines before walking over to the electronics section. This dude starts following me over there, too. Still, I pretend I don’t notice and I just go through the video games. Weird… So I walk around the aisle and then graze the back corners where the video camera’s don’t stretch, and run back to the car and grab my radio scanner. I want to see if the dude is loss-prevention or some thug trying to see when a good time would be to try and mug me. I come back into the store with my earpiece in and scan all the GMRS frequencies. Sure enough, it lands on Loss Prevention:

“Yeah, the white male came back in. He’s up to something. He had his hands in his pockets the whole time and he keeps skipping sections like he doesn’t know what he’s looking for.”

Oh joy… This was going to be fun.

I grab a buggy and start throwing in the red flags and leave it at the edge of the blind spot on the camera’s next to the bicycles:
Rubber Gloves
Zip Ties
Pad Lock
Bolt Cutters
Duct Tape

I then asked a representative where the ski masks were.

Mr. LP is pretending he doesn’t see me so I wait for him to look away after I turn my head directly at him just as I cover an End-Cap and I cross back through a special spot that I noticed had no camera’s at the opposite end opposite where I left the cart at blind spot #2.

“I think we need to call someone in on this. He’s got an interesting grocery list.”
“Yeah he was asking for a ski mask.”

Around the other end of the opposite blind spot I come, right behind the cart and behind the employee and the LP guy.

“It’s for you guys!” I yell while holding my I.D. up to them. “Hey, are you hiring? This job looks like fun!”

“That’s not funny…” The guy says.
“Nah, it’s funny.”
“No… It’s not. And you’re putting all this **** back.”
“It is and I will. Have a good night.”


“Shady u-haul truck”


03:45A.M. A U-Haul truck with a man inside is parked directly on the other side of the fence from a self storage facility. All the red flags are flown. I just sit at the stop sign 50 yards away and we have a contest of who moves first. I win. He starts driving toward my car, I put my brights on and ride around him. He stops, I stop. I keep the same distance at all times. He tries to approach me again, I drive around him and keep 50 yards at all times. He leaves property. “Sorry for creeping you out but once the red flags are flown, I take no chances. ”


“Not A Sidewalk”


Yesterday, someone tells me that there’s been an “Accident” at the water fountain. I show up, first officer on the scene to find a brand new red Ford Fiesta squeezed between the fountain and the concrete benches. I help an 85 year old woman out of the car and shut her engine off for her. I then ask, “So, how did this happen?”

“You guys need to make your roundabouts more wide!” She says.
“Excuse me miss, but — this is a sidewalk!”